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Related category: Self & Health

Is Anger Healthy?

Emotions are critical to the way we function and the results we create in our lives. This is the reason why practitioners test them in The Pillar Code. When we are blocked, it can often be because we suppressed the perceived negative emotions and pretend we don’t feel them at all. In my experience, the most suppressed emotion, or the one clients do not wish to deal with or even admit to having, is anger. Let’s look at anger and its purpose in your overall well-being.

Our life experiences can cause us to view anger as ‘not nice’ or ‘violent’. Naturally, most of us choose to avoid hurting others and stay away from any potential for violence. We have been so scared of violent anger in the past, so we recoil from the chance of being angry with others. Unfortunately, we have little education about our emotions so, this seems like the reality of the way anger and frustration are expressed.

The truth about anger is that it’s the feeling in our body that gives a message to our conscious mind that our boundaries have been or are about to be, crossed. Rather than speaking our truth about how we feel, we remove ourselves from the situation, gave an aggressive response, or passively allow the action or behaviour to continue. 

Conveying anger with aggression simply escalates the situation and ends up hurting or damaging the other person. This results in both parties feeling upset. No agreement is accomplished, and it keeps us on guard for future interactions. If we remove ourselves or act passively to keep the peace, it feels less damaging but it’s not. As the saying goes: ‘Peace at any price is not peace at all.’ In these instances we keep ourselves small, our frustration suppressed, and connect to suffering.

The Pillar Code has a strong emphasis on accessing our peace so we can maintain clarity, control our outcomes and build our confidence. Dealing with our anger is an important part of this. Rather than being passive or aggressive, we can communicate our feelings directly by taking responsibility for our part in the situation and expressing our truth. You may have heard this before about assertive communication.

The key is to use this format: When you [fill in your situation], I feel [insert emotion] because [fill in the reason that allows you to own your reason rather than blaming the other person]. For example: When you don’t listen to me, I feel hurt because I feel unimportant. It’s clear that it is the truth and allows us to take responsibility for how we feel. Life is easier, and we feel so much more confident interacting with others when we truly understand how to communicate our frustrations healthily.

This blog is created by our very own Licenced Pillar Practitioner Jules Tarrant.

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