When Motherhood Made Me Lose Myself and Find Myself Again

Being a mum was always the dream. I thought my purpose was simple: bring children into the world, raise them with love, and watch them thrive. I pictured strong, happy kids who would grow up living fulfilling lives, and in turn, I would feel fulfilled too. What I didn’t picture was how much I would change in the process.

Before becoming a mum in 2019, I felt calm, in control, and confident. I had done my own healing work with The Pillar Code back in 2017, built strong routines, and developed patience. I truly thought I knew myself inside out, and I even felt called to train as a Practitioner so I could help others feel as amazing as I did. But life has a way of stretching you further than you expect.

Now, to rewind a bit. Back in 2009, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. After years of pain, I went through two surgeries to remove it, only to be told by a gyno, five days into excruciating recovery, that it was all in my head. That the endo “wasn’t severe.” I left that office feeling belittled, ashamed, and determined never to go through surgery again. Then came a moment of hope. A nurse invited me to share some of her research on reducing pain and endometriosis inflammation. She talked about food as medicine: no dairy, no gluten, no inflammatory foods. Whole, real food. She also encouraged high-intensity exercise five days a week. I dedicated three months to her plan, and the pain disappeared. I felt like I had my life back.

It’s funny, the same lifestyle principles she gave me then are now the ones I share with my own clients in The Pillar Code Lifestyle Guide.

I met my partner in 2013, and by 2018, we decided to try for a baby. Despite years of being told pregnancy would be difficult, I fell pregnant quickly. I believe it’s all thanks to the healing of The Pillar Code. Seeing that positive test was the most surreal, happiest, scariest moment of my life. I remember sitting in a Pillar Code workshop that same weekend, having just found out I was pregnant, and bursting into happy tears. Everything I had dreamed of and manifested was now becoming real. The pregnancy felt slow, and I was impatient to meet her.

The birth was long and traumatic, and when she finally arrived, I didn’t feel the instant rush of connection I was told I should. Breastfeeding was so hard for me, and I carried guilt for feeling like I had “failed” at the role I wanted most. But once we found our rhythm, she was a dream baby – sleeping through most nights and happy to tag along wherever I went. She slotted into life beautifully, and my routines stayed intact.

Twelve months later, I was pregnant again. Another intake of Pillar Practitioner Training was about to commence, and something inside me was telling me so strongly, it’s now or never! I didn’t want to return to a 9–5 life with two little ones. I was choosing to step fully into my role as a parent, but also build myself a flexible business that allowed me to help others – because that made me feel good. So, at seven weeks pregnant with a one-year-old in tow and working three days a week, I finally said yes to train as a Pillar Practitioner.

The moment I said yes, clients just started to appear. Everything flowed so easily, even though life was busy. Eight months later, my second daughter arrived. Her birth was calm, but she was tiny, and we spent her first week in Special Care. That cracked me open. I had no control, no energy, no appetite. I was running on empty, sleeping upright in a hospital chair, simply going through the motions – numb and lost.

When we finally came home, the blur deepened. Two kids, a partner, a dog, and no time left for me. My routines were gone. I wasn’t moving my body, wasn’t eating well, wasn’t showing up for myself. I paused my Pillar Code business because I couldn’t see how to fit it in. The question that haunted me daily was: Who even am I anymore?

I told myself I was too busy to do The Expansion Code, our maintenance program. Too busy to take half an hour for myself every two weeks! Then one afternoon, everything shifted. I was outside, sitting in the sun. My girls were happily playing on the grass, and the dog stretched out beside them, soaking up the sunshine. For the first time in months, I felt calm and still. Out of nowhere, it was like I had woken up from a dream, and I realised: Something big needs to change here, Katelyn! That was it. My turning point.

I picked up the phone, booked myself into The Expansion Code, and admitted how lost I felt – even though I was embarrassed to say it out loud. Once I began working with my Practitioner again, the shift was gentle but powerful. I started moving my body again with home workouts, nourishing myself with real, whole foods, and leaning on the tools I’d once trusted. Bit by bit, the light returned. I felt calm again. Peaceful again. I felt like Katelyn again.

As I shifted, my kids shifted too. Parenting became lighter. They were calmer, more connected, and more independent. I realised the truth: when I put myself first, my whole family thrived. I put both girls into The Kids Code program, and the changes blew me away. One went from crawling to walking in a month and cancelled an operation that was no longer required. The other started speaking more clearly, colouring inside the lines, no more daily injuries – she was shining in ways I hadn’t imagined.

It opened my eyes to something simple but powerful. Our kids don’t just need us to care for them – they require us to be present, whole, and well.

From that point forward, everything flowed. My business blossomed alongside my family. I stopped choosing between being a mum or a businesswoman, and realised I am both.

Four years later, I guide parents and business owners to create the same balance I once craved. I help them reconnect with themselves and, in doing so, expand every area of their lives. My practice has grown into a waitlist business, and along the way, I’ve been invited to step into a leadership role with The Pillar Code Head Office. I support my fellow Practitioners through the licencing process, train new Practitioners in this incredible modality, and personally mentor those in training to ensure they step into their own power as confident, capable, and successful Practitioners.

Being a parent doesn’t mean losing yourself. It can mean becoming more fully you. And for me, it all began with a quiet moment under a wide blue sky, when I finally decided something had to change.

And it’s not just me who has experienced this transformation. One of my clients, Caitlin from Canberra, shared this after completing The Pillar Code with me:

“Doing The Pillar Code with you, Katelyn, has been the most incredible journey. Not to reach a destination, but to realise it’s okay to learn about yourself. It’s given me the ability to keep progressing forward and set big goals and visions for myself and my life. Whether in business, family, or personal growth. Most of all, it’s given me confidence. The Pillar Code has truly been the most amazing guiding light for that.”